I wonder when.

I wonder when it will stop hurting to see a pregnant woman rubbing her belly.

I wonder when it will stop bringing tears to my eyes to see a sweet little baby.

I wonder when the ache will go away.

I wonder if people can see the pain on my face when I try to look the other direction...

Last night there was a Golden Girls episode that centered on the girls taking care of a baby. This morning's I Love Lucy episode was the one where she finds out she's pregnant and everyone is so happy and excited and she gets to tell Ricky who's over the moon too...


One of my favorite things to do is keep up with celebrity gossip - it's silly and meaningless and that's why I enjoy it. But now? Now Beyonce is pregnant with her first baby. Hilary Duff and Jessica Simpson are too. Jennifer Garner is on her 3rd. Jessica Alba, Natalie Portman, Selma Blair have all recently given birth... the list goes on and on. And since America loves celeb babies, these women and their little ones are constantly in the headlines and on the front pages. And every day it seems like more lucky women get to make their announcement. I can't stop from thinking about how that should have been me. October 24th would have been the end of my first trimester so by now I should have been yelling it to the world and posting pics of my growing belly. I can't help but wonder whose due date is the same date that mine would have been...


TLC is pretty much my favorite channel to watch and it's what's on my tv most of the day. TLC is a never-ending parade of baby commercials and baby shows...


So I've been making changes. Turning the channel to Discovery or just turning it Off. Looking more at sites that are about anything but celebrity. Spending less time on Facebook (I've already talked about what a torture device that is right now)...


But you can't avoid reality for long. You can't avoid seeing pregnant women, they're everywhere. And so are happy families with beautiful babies. So trying to keep my head in the sand and my eyes closed isn't going to work...

So I guess I'm left just to wonder...